It’d been awhile since I’d last felt the embrace of caffeine, and there was a good reason for my abstination. Although it increased my creativity about four-fold, o the comedown I felt shaky, malnourished, and on the edge of an anxiety attack. The fact that something like this drug is in such wide use in our society today is frightening. It’s a mere foot away from cocaine, it’s fueling the world. People don’t know what is right for anyone but themselves, and even then sometimes they’re wrong. “Grown-ups” are not too much more grown up than kids, and as such they shouldn’t hold the tools to dismantle civilization. This, however, was not what was running through my mind as I biked home from the library, keeping the inevitable breakdown at bay.
I rode down 3rd street thinking of the nostalgic times, and I was almost instantly transported back in time. I scarcely recognized I was still biking down a dark street. The best friend I thought I’d always have, who I’d had since fourth grade, is no longer in contact with me, and a quote came to mind: “The bonds between ourselves and others exists only in our minds. Memory as it grows fainter loosens them and notwithstanding the illusion . . . we exist alone.” The fact that he’s chosen a life far less befitting than he could have is awful, but I don’t think that even bothers me as much the fact that such close friends can become estranged from each other over the course of a couple of months. Another arguably closer friend who I’ve had just as long is near mental breakdown, and yet it’s comforting to talk to him, to know that I still have a close friend despite not having seen him for a few years. It was talking to him that brought to mind finally putting into writing the thoughts I’ve been having. I feel nothing but excitement for my own future, but the past thoroughly saddens me. Thus, I feel that this blog is to become my existentialist writings.
